I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
