I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
