Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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