My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
