it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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