Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
