it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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