just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
