I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
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Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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