My room smells like vodka and shame
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
