I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
