we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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