what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Panties = found
Randomize
