I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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