I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
