Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
