At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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