i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
