I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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