dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
