Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize