I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
