It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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