We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
