dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
