He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
