Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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