I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
