oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
