I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
