Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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