Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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