I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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