dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize