Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
