Kiss
Puke
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
