I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
