The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
