girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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