I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
