glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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