Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
