I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
