And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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