Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Green mimosas i think yes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
