Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
