I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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