He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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