my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
bring money and cleavage
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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