I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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