I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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