I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
