She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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