So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
