this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
