I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
