I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
