I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
