he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
