I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
