He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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