So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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