I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
