My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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