Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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