How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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