honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
