What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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