THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
