nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
