you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
