so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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