This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
